She's overweight! He's too short! I don't like the way he runs the show! I could do a better job of that than she does!
No one escapes criticism, especially editors. An old editor's law says when you publish a significant article and expect a large reader response, you'll get one letter telling you about a typographical error in the third paragraph.
I was reminded of that when I got a letter telling me my editorial in the February issue ("Before You Speak") was a "phony junk." I had said that I borrowed my son's new car and that after driving, when I switched off the engine, I found I couldn't remove the key.
The reader said my son should have told me about having to push the button to get the key out of the ignition. And he said I should have taught my son to be more thoughtful and considerate.
In other words, who did I think I was, trying to lecture others about faults I obviously had myself? Writing is certainly not for the fainthearted.
What was interesting was that this reader wasn't criticizing what was said, he was criticizing my right to say it. Am I pointing a finger at the man? No! The truth is that we are all critics. The parent who corrects his or her child is a critic. The woman who objects to the way her neighbor brings up her children is a critic. The man who is critical of his supervisor or superior, mumbling he can do the job just as well, if not better, is a critic.
Criticism can be given and received constructively or destructively. Resenting constructive criticism, and with it the critic, can break the lines of communicatiioin in families,
at work or school, and between friends.
When we are on the receiving end of criticism we should accept that part of the criticism that is helpful. One encouraging thought for most of us is the old saying: He little knew my other faults, or he would not have mentioned only these.
One way to avoid criticism is to be critical of yourself. Nothing so quickly brings unity and harmony in a husband-wife relationship or in a family than willingness to share failures and ask for forgiveness. James 5:16 says, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed."
Many parents cannot bring themselves to confess an error to their own children and ask forgiveness. They think a frank confession that they might have made a mistake will lost them their offsprings' respect. Rather, such open candidness encourages children to face their own shortcomings and begin to change.
Another aspect of learning to meet criticism is learning how to criticize helpfully.
It's been my experience that a good point to remember before criticizing someone else is to stop and ask, "How do I personally measure up in that area I am criticizing?" Or as the American Indian proverb states it, "Before you judge a man's actions, walk a few miles in his moccasins."
If we are always complaining about our associates or about the firm for which we work, people are likely to think the trouble lies with us. And, they are likely to be correct.
Fair criticism does not judge without the facts to back it up. Fair criticism does not exaggerate. Fair criticism does not include common gossip.
My most helpful, and least painful, criticisms have been from people who cared about me and my feelings. They have first built a foundation of trust with proper praise and sincere appreciation before bringing a problem to my attention. They are the kind of people who always look for the good in others.
Learning to like people and to get along with them by looking for the good in them is a satisfying way of life. If we are always complaining about our associates or about the firm for which we work, people are likely to think the trouble lies with us. And, they area likely to be correct.
At one time or other we all have to give and to take criticism. It is foolish to be so supersensitive that we allow an unpleasant comment to crush us. Nor should we become so thick-skinned that we can't accept that others may have good reason to dislike the things we do or say or write.
If we all would spend more time examining our own lives for the "beams" and ruthlessly casting them out, we could spare ourselves much criticism and others the oftentimes unpleasant task of offering it. Let's strive for that perfection God wants us all to attain (Matt. 5:48), whether we're giving or receiving criticism. ❒
by Dexter H. Faulkner
